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I need them to respect me – is it true?

A few weeks ago, a friend told me about a difficult meeting she’d attended, in which she hadn’t felt respected by one man. She considered making a formal complaint about this man, but she felt so angry she couldn’t find the words. As we talked, she began to see that maybe all wasn’t quite as she’d thought.

How to Recognise Gratitude in Daily Life

I’ve been thinking a bit more about the question Lizzi at Considerings posed over the weekend. My short answer, on my last post, was no. When I’m happy, gratitude comes more easily, and gratitude makes me feel happy. I’m not sure why I’d forgotten that a post I’d written a few weeks ago, Thankfulness is a Breeze, and Sometimes a Hurricane, …

People Shouldn’t Judge – is that true?

This blog began life as a way to record my experience as a mother using The Work of Byron Katie to inquire into stressful thoughts – hence the title Inquiring Parent! (What – you thought it meant I rang up supermarkets to inquire about the price of butter, or inquired about the kiddie facilities in my area?) Anyway, life moved …

Thankful for Questions

I’ve read that on average we have somewhere around 70,000 thoughts each day. I did try to work this out, but it seemed too much like hard work. After all, how long does a thought last? I don’t have a standard thought size. “Chocolate.” That didn’t take even a second. “Chocolate.” Neither did that. “I wonder if there’s any in …

Thanks for this? Yes, really.

When I was seventeen a young man threatened me at knife point, tied me up and held me hostage. He was the ex-boyfriend of my friend and he figured this action would somehow get her back. (I know, I know – and yes, I did point out that even if she came running she wasn’t likely to stay. My logical …

What if Self-Sabotage Doesn’t Actually Exist?

Self-sabotage. Self-sabotage. We’ve all heard the term. We get an opportunity and then we blow it. Or we do something we don’t like and so we beat ourselves. And then we feel like c**p, so we beat ourselves for beating ourselves. “I’m self-sabotaging myself again!” we yell. “As always! I’m such an idiot!” And then we beat ourselves for that …

Let Go of Trying to be Better Than Your Parents

In the days and weeks just before my father died, we had many conversations. In some of those conversations he expressed regrets. He hinted that my sister and I have made a better job of parenting than he did. He thought perhaps he’d done things that weren’t kind; he said he hoped he could be forgiven. I told him that anything he had …

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Let Go of Guilt and Shame

A common theme among mothers is that of guilt. Fathers, brothers, sisters, sons and daughters probably feel guilt too, but mothers seem to be particularly prone to it. I have not been an exception to that. But, I have learned ways to let go of guilt and have come to see that it generally serves little purpose. For me, letting …

Guest Post at I am The Milk

Today one of my articles on the early days after our second daughter was born prematurely is featured on Katia Bishofs blog: I am the Milk.  Katia’s Donate a Post series features blog posts by women who have struggled with infertility or pregnancy loss or other difficulties during pregnancy.  

Teenagers are Difficult: Is That True?

Since last summer I have been mother to two teenagers. We have our moments. But then, with teenagers, who doesn’t? That’s pretty much what you’d expect the mother of a teenager to say, isn’t it? If you’re not too keen on teenagers you might roll your eyes and say that they are selfish layabouts and the only good thing about …