I need them to respect me – is it true?

A few weeks ago, a friend told me about a difficult meeting she’d attended, in which she hadn’t felt respected by one man. She considered making a formal complaint about this man, but she felt so angry she couldn’t find the words. As we talked, she began to see that maybe all wasn’t quite as she’d thought.

How to Recognise Gratitude in Daily Life

I’ve been thinking a bit more about the question Lizzi at Considerings posed over the weekend.My short answer, on my last post, was no. When I’m happy, gratitude comes more easily, and gratitude makes me feel happy. I’m not sure why I’d forgotten that a post I’d written a few weeks ago, Thankfulness is a Breeze, and Sometimes a Hurricane, was … Read More

Thankful for Questions

I’ve read that on average we have somewhere around 70,000 thoughts each day. I did try to work this out, but it seemed too much like hard work. After all, how long does a thought last? I don’t have a standard thought size. “Chocolate.” That didn’t take even a second. “Chocolate.” Neither did that. “I wonder if there’s any in … Read More

Thanks for this? Yes, really.

When I was seventeen a young man threatened me at knife point, tied me up and held me hostage. He was the ex-boyfriend of my friend and he figured this action would somehow get her back. (I know, I know – and yes, I did point out that even if she came running she wasn’t likely to stay. My logical … Read More

What if Self-Sabotage Doesn’t Actually Exist?

Self-sabotage Self-sabotage. We’ve all heard the term. We get an opportunity and then we blow it. Or we do something we don’t like and so we beat ourselves. And then we feel like c**p, so we beat ourselves for beating ourselves. “I’m self-sabotaging myself again!” we yell. “As always! I’m such an idiot!” And then we beat ourselves for that … Read More

Let Go of Trying to be Better Than Your Parents

Russian dolls standing in a row

This post was originally published on my Inquiring Parent blog on Sep 10, 2013, and was updated on April 26, 2018.  In the weeks before my father died, we had many conversations. Sometimes, he expressed regrets. He hinted that my sister and I had done better at parenting than he did. He thought he’d done things that weren’t kind; he … Read More

Let Go of Guilt and Shame

Guilt and shame are insidous feelings, hard to spot and sometimes also hard to stop. First, it helps to understand why we feel guilt – what we unconsciously hope to get from it and why we won’t ever get that. For me, understanding that felt like permission to treat myself with more kindness. If you struggle with guilt or shame, … Read More