While you are reading this, notice the sounds you hear around you.  For me, there are birds twittering outside, a quiet hum from a fish tank filter, the soft sound of trees moving in a breeze. What do you hear?

Pay attention to those sounds. You don’t need to name them – or to try to work out what they are. Just listen. You don’t need to close your eyes, but if you want to, you can for a few minutes. (And remember to open them again and keep reading!)

Now, turn your attention to what you see – the computer, tablet or smartphone screen in front of you, your hands resting on the desk or holding the tablet, Notice your desk, chair or sofa. Allow your field of vision to widen and take in the room around you.

Notice that around everything there is space. You can’t see it or hold it, but it is there. Without it, you wouldn’t be able to see any of the objects.

Notice the feel of the air on your skin, of your clothes on your body. Notice the feelings inside your body, and the way your stomach rises and falls with your breath. Feel your breath as it comes in and out of your nostrils.

And now, notice that between the out-breath and the in-breath there is a pause. It might be barely discernible at first, but when you pay attention you will notice it. Don’t try to change your breathing pattern; it’s fine as it is, even if the pause you notice is a millisecond long.

Now notice the thoughts that flow through your mind. You don’t need to pay attention to the content of those thoughts, but instead, notice where they appear to come from. And where do they go? Before a thought arrives and after it has gone, what’s there? If your answer is, “Another thought,” look again. Notice what is between thoughts.

Just like the pauses between breaths, those gaps between thoughts might seem minuscule at first. That doesn’t matter, all that matters is that you notice the gaps and notice what’s within them.

You now know how to meditate.

How to make meditation complicated

For some inexplicable reason, the human mind wants to make things complicated and difficult. If something is simple or easy, we think it can’t be right, or that we’re doing it wrong. If we struggle, then we feel we’ve achieved something. We want to be doing, achieving, not just being. We want to take credit. “I worked so hard at this,” we say. “I’ve struggled for years and now I finally think I’m getting the hang of this meditating lark.”

My first introduction to meditation was over nineteen years ago. I was pregnant for the second time. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage, and this one had not started well, so I felt almost permanently anxious. I’d read that anxiety was bad for the baby, which made me feel more anxious! I often walked past a meditation centre so when I saw a notice announcing an introductory course, I rang up. After checking that the class wouldn’t require me to adopt a religion, I registered.

Our teacher was British but had trained in India. During the lessons, we practised meditating on a flower, on a cloth of vibrant colour, and on a sound. One evening we practised lengthening our breaths. I felt faint and asked to lie down, explaining that I was pregnant. On the last evening, we also meditated on a photo of the founder of this particular style of meditation. Our teacher explained this was because he emanated healing energy. At the end of the introductory course, she explained that to go further with practising meditation, it was preferable to remain single, and certainly we should not have children. Those of us considered suitable would get a phone call inviting us back to continue learning meditation. It won’t surprise you to learn that I never got a call.

From that class, I learned that meditation was difficult and that I probably didn’t have what it took.

How to keep meditation simple

A few years (and two children) later, I read Paul Wilson’s book, Finding the Quiet. (He is probably known better for The Little Book of Calm.) In this book, I read that meditation didn’t require us to head off to an ashram or mountain top. You could stay exactly where you are, and learn to find more quiet in your life. You didn’t need to spend hours a day doing this either – thirteen minutes was enough. As an added bonus, there was no taboo on having kids!

I went to our spare room and shut the door. I sat in darkness. Wilson suggested using a word to focus attention. I no longer have Finding the Quiet, so I could be mistaken, but I seem to remember that choosing the word was important. Certainly, I soon felt sure I was doing it wrong because I couldn’t decide on my word!

Eventually, I found another meditation teacher. Like the first one, this teacher had trained in India. This time we didn’t focus on objects or even a word. Instead, we had two ways of mediating – in our morning meditation, attention focused on the heart. In the evening, we imagined light entering the front of the body and leaving the back, taking with it any tension that had built up through the day. If it was hard to find the hour to meditate each morning that was okay, mothers were considered to be doing much of the necessary work, just by being mothers! Oh, and we sat on chairs, not cross-legged on the floor.

The purpose of meditation

For her PhD, Emma Seppala studied the impact of meditation. In her article 20 Scientific Reasons to Start Mediating Today, as well as listing benefits, she also lists myths about meditation and reasons why people think they can’t do it. One myth she dispels is that you need to meditate for an hour a day. She agrees with Paul Wilson that small doses are fine, and Seppala’s article links to studies which prove this.

I often meditate this way. Throughout the day, just sitting by my desk, or sometimes sitting on a cushion or even lying down, I pause, notice the breath, notice the spaces. Notice the stillness.

Although many people (including me) begin meditating to try to feel calmer, this is not its purpose. The purpose of meditation is to develop awareness. As we become more aware, calmness is often a pleasant side effect. However, it is also common during meditation to feel anxiety or other negative emotions – because feelings that we usually suppress can come to the surface. The same is true for thoughts. If we think we shouldn’t be having so many thoughts we might try to stop them, to still the mind. But when we do this, what we get is not a still mind, but a fight. If we allow the feelings or thoughts, they will pass.

Witnessing

There’s a difference between allowing thoughts and feelings and getting caught up in them. When we allow, we are witnessing those thoughts or emotions. We don’t judge them or ourselves for having them. When we get lost in thought or emotions, that sense of witnessing disappears. In meditation when you notice yourself lost in thoughts – you have in fact moved back to witnessing. (Otherwise, you wouldn’t realise you were lost in thought.) All you need to do then is carry on. It really is that simple. Though it’s not necessarily “easy” – at least you may find yourself caught in thoughts many times throughout a meditation. That’s okay. Just keep going back to witnessing every time you notice.

Make anything a meditation

This practice of witnessing is what is often referred to as mindfulness and can be used throughout the day, not just when sitting in meditation. The quiet stillness is always there, and all we need to do is turn our attention to it. Any everyday task can become a form of meditation. For instance, when out walking, pay attention to your footsteps.

To get more suggestions, you can sign up to download my free booklet, How To Maintain Mindfulness Throughout the Day. (I won’t bombard you with emails, just let you know when I’ve written a new post, which is roughly weekly.)